The Daily Splash

It appears the most wanted man in Northumbria has recently extended his vendetta to encompass the Daily Splash who was planning a mountain bike getaway to Europe’s top destination – Morzine. During a routine service the nice men at Edinburgh Cycles realised the frame (or chainstay to be precise) was cracked beyond repair.

Whether this was an act of vandalism, fun jape by Catherine or simply caused by repeatedly having to carry the increasing waistline of the Daily Splash across rugged terrain we will probably never know. Anyway.

Looking for a place to have weekend breakfasts in Heaton / Jesmond the Daily Splash has discovered Cafe One 20 on Heaton Road. Making sure that Belle and Herbs is not missed (no not even the queues and variable service…) and within 2 minutes walk of there, Cafe One 20 serves an amazing selection of sandwiches, breakfasts, cakes, paninis and, in the Daily Splash’s (expert) opinion, the best coffee around.

Not only do they provide the Daily Splash with high quality coffee and breakfast, they are also very welcoming to children. Recommendations:

Bacon, brie and cranberry panini;

Canadian breakfast with bacon and maple syrup on pancakes;

Vegetarian feast (and meat feast);

Peperoni, peppers and mozarella panini;

Cafe One 20 breakfast;

Caramel shortbread or giant jammy dodger (made from the best shortbread around)

Yum!

Evidence was released today of the Daily Splash’s “Back to basics” parenting, involving what could only be described as a cage to keep the young terror Flora from crawling under the furniture and falling off the kitchen step. Unfortunately modern shops don’t sell this essential item of childcare but Catherine has her own prison playpen from when she was a baby and it is now being put to excellent use.

Rumours of a “dirty protest” at the use of the cage are currently being denied by Flora but we have the pictures of its aftermath as evidence, and will use them at an opportune moment.

Flora Emily Alya is 9 months old today….

With pinpoint timing and only 9 months after the birth of Flora, Simon and Catherine finally opened her Child Trust Fund account. Literally a matter of hours later the new Chancellor was announcing a round of spending cuts including the scrapping of, you guessed it, the Child Trust Fund.

Who knows what the £250 will be worth by the time Flora is allowed it in 2027?

After Monday’s revelation that the Daily Splash was doing well in the Salisbury Gardens potato-growing competition it is now time to come clean:the Daily Splash has not been involved in the nurturing of the incredible specimen that now adorns the garden. In fact Catherine has spent many hours lovingly tending some of the most impressive bush growth seen outside a 1970′s educational video, resolutely refusing to trim in anything approaching a fashionable style, and fiercely defending her right to ownership of the resulting errr… vegetable.

The beautiful stray cat that was found in the barbeque last week has now turned into a dangerous killer. Despite the provision of a purpose built cat and kitten house made from an indoor cat cage, roofing felt and acres of cardboard box, which she moved into the day after we built it, kittens in tow.

When we discovered her she had 5 little kittens…she has now munched her way through them at the rate of about one per day until we imagine now she feels her litter is of manageable proportions. There is only one left but she (?we think) has now survived solo for four whole days and there seems to be some rapport at least between mother and daughter.

Admittedly we had very little evidence for the cannibalisation of the litter, except for their disappearance of course, until Catherine found a kitten foot near the cat-house. The horror.

The Salisbury Gardens potato competition is stirring up the street, with the Daily Splash discovering hitherto unknown green fingers to produce what is surely the front-runner in the potato plant-growing competition. Although several contenders are bravely displaying their measly efforts in the front street the Daily Splash’s entry is burgeoing awesomely behind closed hot-house doors. If this doesn’t work of course there is always plan b: the cats have been trained to head down the street and dig up every better potato plant they find. Simple.