The Daily Splash

Local art historian and eccentric Joan Douglas today finally acknowledged her eldest and favourite son after appearing to erase his entire existence from history in 2007. The strange conflict with reality occurred when she was displaying pictures from her life in a “box” in an art show examining the way in which we collect artefacts of our lives at the Museum of Antiquities at Newcastle University.

It was not only the critics that were underwhelmed by the exhibition. Eldest and favourite son Simon pointed out that any reference to him had been erased from the box, while simultaneously contacting the family solicitors to check that the same was not true of her will.

Local Talent scouts remain mystified by this whole article.

Despite the omission Joan has attempted to make good what she claims was an “oversight” through making a generous contribution towards Simon’s forthcoming nuptials.

Attempting to make some sense of the situation, and manfully hiding his sense of abandonment, Simon modestly disclosed today “I can’t really understand the omission to be honest, as a regularly photographed former rock star I would have lent a bit of glamour to the proceedings. It’s widely recognised in artistic circles that not only am I the one with the talent but I’m also the ‘looker’ of the family.”