The Daily Splash

Flora enjoyed her first birthday this week on 25th August, with an exclusive birthday dinner at Santanas restaurant in Jesmond. This was followed by a cake eating and present opening ceremony, which sadly had to mostly be postponed since it was past her bedtime by then. Nevertheless she enjoyed it very much and would like to thank everyone for the lovely presents and cards.

Evidence was released today of the Daily Splash’s “Back to basics” parenting, involving what could only be described as a cage to keep the young terror Flora from crawling under the furniture and falling off the kitchen step. Unfortunately modern shops don’t sell this essential item of childcare but Catherine has her own prison playpen from when she was a baby and it is now being put to excellent use.

Rumours of a “dirty protest” at the use of the cage are currently being denied by Flora but we have the pictures of its aftermath as evidence, and will use them at an opportune moment.

Flora Emily Alya is 9 months old today….

With pinpoint timing and only 9 months after the birth of Flora, Simon and Catherine finally opened her Child Trust Fund account. Literally a matter of hours later the new Chancellor was announcing a round of spending cuts including the scrapping of, you guessed it, the Child Trust Fund.

Who knows what the £250 will be worth by the time Flora is allowed it in 2027?

…although she was fairly sure her parents hadn’t yet got the hang of liquidizing….

…..and we’re not taking “No” for an answer.

Flora Douglas was spotted this week hanging out at the bar of the Theatre Royal in Stratford, East London with notorious luvvy Michael Bertenshaw. When pushed on her next career move however she merely replied “PPSSSHHUUUFFFF!!!”

It is thought that moving to London is not on her immediate agenda, however, though she was transfixed by the bright lights and songs of “Aladdin” and a future in drama cannot be ruled out at this stage.