The Daily Splash

The Daily Splash can today exclusively release details of the happy couple’s honeymoon plans. Simon has finally persuaded Catherine to join him on a mountain biking trip, although she has made him promise “no mountains, or hills, or even slopes.”

Simon has revealed details of their secret training regime – “It has all been about getting Catherine to understand the physics of aerodynamics, the complex interaction between airflow, surface area and forces. In other words she goes faster if she can only close her mouth and stop complaining for a minute.”

Simon has also revealed his Plan B – “if the worst comes to the worst I’ll stick a Mars bar in my back pocket and ride just in front and out of her reach – that should concentrate her mind on getting the bike moving.”

It was revealed today that the recent holiday taken by Catherine and Simon near Oslo in Norway had been ruined by some terribly inclement weather.

Despite heading to Scandinavia with bathing suits, flip-flops, tennis rackets and high hopes of escaping the dreadful English summer, the two were left disappointed with the awful weather, and only managed the briefest of fjord swimming sessions.

A local source confirmed that it had been “the wettest July in Oslo since records began”. Indeed, Catherine was overheard in the airport on their return to declare “last night was the wettest I have ever been.”

Simon was this morning unavailable for comment, having been spotted leaving for a scuba diving course at an undisclosed location.